When someone asks you for your opinion on something, what’s your go-to answer?
Do you tell them what you think, or what they want to hear?
Why do you do that?
Does it help you? Does it help them?
Most likely that depends on circumstances and with whom as well. We’re obviously less prone to giving our honest opinion to people who can’t handle it. And we don’t want to beat someone who’s already down.
Be Honest With Others
The truth is, you’re almost always a better friend when you tell the other person the brutal truth. And brutal doesn’t have to be harsh. In fact, it shouldn’t be harsh. Harsh is for trolls. It just means pointing out the reality of things, even when it’s hard for them to hear it.
Here’s a recent example from an honest friend of mine:
“Danny, your trailer for Soul Reaper is not good. I see areas of improvements in x, y and z. I disconnected after watching 10 seconds. Two minutes is too long.”.
This is helpful, not hurtful.
I had spent a good amount of time work on the trailer, so a lot of people didn’t dare tell me the problems with it in fear of hurting me.
What hurts more is releasing a shitty trailer that would attract no players to the game.
My bond with that friend grew stronger. I know I can trust him. And trust my friends, is one of the greatest attribute of a good friendship!
Be Honest With Yourself
If you thought being honest with others was hard, it’s nothing compared to being honest with yourself.
The truth is, we are constantly lying to ourselves, unwillingly or not.
Sometimes we think we’re better than we really are, and for most people I think, we think we’re not as good as we really are.
Which camp are you in?
For most things I think I’m better than I really am. But for things that are new to me, like writing and photography, I think I’m not as good as I really am.
The problem is we’re not static. We change constantly. Every day.
We change so fast that we don’t have time to fact-check who we are today, because we are indeed not who we were yesterday.
“Every next level of your life will demand a different you.” — Leonardo DiCaprio
Journaling For Honesty
In January I picked up journaling as one of the 3 skills I learn every month. I’m following Benjamin P. Hardy’s course on Journaling.
By doing it on a daily basis, you reach a new level of awareness, about yourself and other people around you.
And I’ll be honest with you, I thought it would be a dumb exercise. I thought I’d have nothing to write and there’s no way I’d continue with that. I was so wrong!
It’s such a relieving experience to put everything down on paper. That, combined with meditation, is the best mental relief I’ve had in ages.
When journaling, I question everything. Why? Why? Why? Ask why 7 times and you’ll know the truth.
You’ll become more honest with yourself, and in return, you’ll understand the value of brutal honesty, both for yourself, but with people you care about.
Being honest is not a personality trait, it’s a skill. Practice it. Start with yourself. Journal every day.
Understand that you change. Take a moment to grasp who you are now, not who you were yesterday. Do the same for people you care about.
Honesty is an important skill in relationships, business, self-esteem etc. Invest in it and your life will be that much better.
You can do this!
Thanks for reading and sharing ! :)
First published here: https://medium.com/on-the-rise/being-honest-is-not-a-personality-trait-its-a-skill-c2892dec7e6b