Cover Photo by Ricardo Viana on Unsplash

Here’s how I control the uncontrollable

Ten weeks ago, I welcomed my son into this world. To say that the first few weeks required a lot of adaptation would be an understatement. I had a perfect routine before. Everything was working flawlessly when no one depended on me.

Given that, I often gave advice to people on how to build routines that worked for them, but the reality is that it’s not as simple as I made it out to be. Most people don’t have the luxury of being the masters of their own schedule. I know that full well now that I’m a dad.

If you’re in a situation where you don’t fully control your schedule but still want to create a solid routine, then this article is for you.

Step 1. Change your perspective on time

Schedule things in ranges instead of specific times. Here are some examples:

I don’t wake up at 4 AM or 5 AM with an alarm clock anymore. I wake up between 4 AM and 6 AM, when my wife is done breastfeeding. I take an hour-long walk with Nate then.
I don’t eat at noon anymore, I eat between 11 AM and 1 PM, when my wife is done breastfeeding.
I don’t nap at 2 PM anymore. I nap between 1 PM and 3 PM, when my wife is done breastfeeding.
I don’t go to bed at 10 PM anymore, I go between 10 PM and 12 PM, when my son is relaxed enough to sleep.

When do I work?

In between those times, mostly in the morning. That’s when Audrey’s most awake to take care of Nate and when Nate is most playful. I’m able to clock four to six hours of work in the morning.

In the afternoon, I do everything I can to help both my wife and son. If they don’t need me, I work some more between my nap and dinner time, which is now anywhere between 5 PM and 8 PM.

The flexibility you get from scheduling things is range will make things feel normal enough.

Step 2. Be ready to move blocks of time around

When Nate is fussy in the afternoon, I “sacrifice” a block of time for another. When you schedule an activity for a certain range, you need a plan B.

If I can’t make the 4 AM to 6 AM wake up + walk time, I need to decide what happens then. It’s extremely beneficial for Audrey to get a solid one-hour nap at the end of her night. I need to make it up to her somehow. If I can’t take the walk then, I’ll swap for work time and do the walk later, for example.

So, for every time range you listed in the first step, find a plan B that will still mostly work for you and others who depend on you.

Step 3. Adjust with the needs of those who depend on you

Needs change all the time. This applies to you, but also to those who depend on you, whether it’s a child, a spouse, a parent, or work. Review those needs regularly. Because you’re so focused on day-to-day activities, you don’t realize the needs around you changed, and without knowing it, your pristine routine isn’t so shiny anymore.

My son is only ten weeks old and his patterns have already changed. Audrey and I currently review our routine almost every week. If the needs around you don’t evolve as quickly, still make it a habit to review your routine weekly. Monthly at worst.

Always try to find better alternatives. What works one week might not work another.

Everything you need to know

Step 1. Change your perspective on time — schedule things in ranges instead of specific times.
Step 2. Be ready to move blocks of time around — always have a plan B for when to do your daily activities.
Step 3. Adjust with the needs of those who depend on you — review your routine once a week.

Hope that helps.

You can do this!